Les Taupes
versus M. Doublavay
Bonjour
tout le monde. By the time you read this we will have been here a wee while.
The delay in reporting anything is due to the fact that Le MacDee in Orthez,
the only place with wifi within a 60 mile radius, has shut for refurbishment. It
didn’t look like it needed doing but maybe the griddles needed replacing because
from what we have seen, les Francais give le Big Mac a real bashing.
Since starting this blog we have
just taken delivery of a satellite dish; apart from selling your universe for
an Orange dongle, Nordnet is one of the few
means of receiving the internet. We have successfully installed it ourselves
which involved an infinite act of bravery by me standing on top of the garage
toilet (yes we have a toilet for the garage). I
can get up things just not down them.
So what
have we learned:
Cultural
diversity
·
the
Basque country is a world apart from the rest of France
·
the
vast majority of the male population over 50 with a fashion sense wear berets
at an assortment of jaunty angles, there is the odd one with ancestors from the
home counties who sports it as a pancake
·
Those
wearing berets are compelled to drive at breakneck speed in 4’s in beaten up
old Renault’s
·
It
is acceptable to pee up the church wall, or maybe, that is just in our local
town
·
Give
a shy English man a compost heap or three in his own private estate 50 yards
from the nearest view and he will say good bye to his inhibitions and take to treating
it like a church wall
·
Animal
parts which, despite being totally unrecognisable, are for human consumption and
come in both vacuum packaging and jars and often have 2 X’s in their name
·
It
is acceptable to dress up in vaguely Victorian funereal garb and partake of
breakfast in the square, we presume you need a "larcense"
·
The
French use the word pudding and 3 french profiteroles will make you feel very
very sick……
Household
items
·
Parking
the car near an 18th century house and barns in a force 10 means you
will end up with a part of a ridge till dinging your bonnet like the hail from
Texas…
·
It
takes three goes in a force 10 to recover a swimming pool with its winter coat
and if you are VERY careful you can pick the rocks up from the bottom of the
pool using a leaf gatherer
·
When
a local pompier comes to your house on a Saturday the clue is the calendar. We
have yet to learn if our voluntary contribution for a calendar of fully clad
pompiers, including one rescuing an owl….., is enough to ensure they will turn
up if we have a fire. And then when you get a happy new year slip from the chair of the village fete committee you start worrying as to whether there is a contribution for that!
·
It
takes three months for Maison du Monde to deliver kitchen stools but only 6
weeks to deliver 2 sofas.
Gardening
·
You
can only have your buggered sit on lawn mower collected on a Tuesday
lunchtime but it will be fixed by Thursday.
·
The
French for solenoid seems to be…….solenoid and the mower man blanks you when
you tell him you had it working with a battery from a Harley Davison
·
Do
not give a small woman a large hedge cutter and expect her to top and tail a 6
foot beech hedge without cutting through the plastic covered steel washing line
directly behind her …..Philippe
·
Cucumber
tastes like it did when you were little (1966 onwards)
·
You
can never be too harsh with a wisteria
·
Unless
you have the technique, a brier will fight back when you strike it with a
machete
·
P
is not a violent man except when it comes to a colony of moles threatening the
potager. Short of whacking them with a spade if they put their head above the
parapet (thanks for that suggestion
Riona) they can be electrocuted, pulsar beamed into leaving or poisoned
with pellets though, after my look of horror, the lady in the gardening shop
assured me that the “odeur” is enough to repulse them so no mole ever gets
harmed in the defending of the potager.
